Dear Mr Bitter Guy,
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and I thought we got on real well but recently we've not been having sex. In fact he's not even kissed me in 2 months! I confronted him yesterday about it and he told me he doesn't find me attractive any more and told me I was fat. I'm not fat. I'm 153lbs and 5'4. But now he's saying he's going to leave me. What should I do?
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
My Boyfriend says I'm Fat
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7 Dating Advice Tips:
You're 5'4 and 153 lbs? Sounds like you are carrying a few extra pounds. But that's not really the issue here. The issue is that your boyfriend is a tool.
If you're happy with the way you look, then ditch the boyfriend. He'll only criticise your weight today, your hair tomorrow, your clothes the day after. Sounds like he's a manipulative jerk who only wants what he can get. Once you give in the floodgates will open and you can kiss goodbye to any sense of self-esteem you have.
Of course, you may be unhappy with those few extra pounds, so lose a little. But still ditch the boyfriend.
He needs to understand that he's a tool. Treat him like one and he'll learn. I'd also take the opportunity to throw in a few choice insults while dumping him.
If he comes running back with his tail between his legs, then you can maybe start again, but honestly why would you want to be with this vile pig?
You're harsh Mr Bitter Guy -- can't she just tell him she doesn't like the way he talks to her? It seems a bit mean to split them up.
Plump girls are more fun. Your man doesn't know what he's missing :)
I'm fat and loadsa guys lurve it if ya know what I mean ;)
I dig big chicks. gives sommat to hold onta
i agree with mr bittr guy-dump the jerk. regardless of your body, regardless of his opinion, there is def a good and a bad way to give your opinion. and he chose the bad way. every guy on the planet knows, girls are sensitive about their bodies, hey everyone pretty much is. There are many ways he could have told you his opinion. Why not help you lose weight by suggesting you play some couple sports or go on fun walks, why not be worrieda bout your health? He seems to pick he is not attracted, which is probably the only thing he cares about, looks. He does not care that your heart and blood sugar is at risk. We are all human and we all sometimes tend to judge beauty on the outside moreso, but if you are dating, he should know you well enough to know how completely beautiful you are on the inside. There is obiviously somethisg keeping him with you( it is very hard to be with someone you are not physically stimulated with-its human nature), and hes with you, somethings holding him. maybe it is your great personality, but that should outweight hugely, the veto on the looks part. Sex is not just a physical act, it is making love ,showing how much you care for someone. part of being in a relationship is being affectionate with the other. what does he expect to gain from telling you, hmm-some negative body issues for you, alot of tears and pain, questioning /doubting yourself, unwilling to be comfortable with showing off your body , esp to him, . kudos to him.
i think that- there isn't a necessary reason to break up, if he had said it in a positive caring way. there are millions of postpregnant women, husbands who possibly help them lose their weight, and also share their concern of not losing the weight. im sure, they know not to say "ur unattractive". He chose a jerk way of saying it, he is clearly not willing to divert you to a solution subtly, if he can say things like this now about something as simple as looks, what about for the future? maybe you are getting more wrinkles than the other girls he works iwth, maybe he wont be attracted then?
men whose women are pregnant don't seem to drop them becaus they gained weight, they deal with him. your person seemed to jump on the negative train and make you feel bad. i don't want to imagine what would happen when you were pregnant, how would he help your self esteem then. kissing is a huge way to show someone you care about them, and you haven't. what qualifies you dating, except the title if he touches you the same way he would a relative or friend.
you desrve someone who loves you unconditionally, who would take the negative and make it positive, and steer you the right direction instead of kicking you where it hurts.
realize that even if you do lose weight, and he treats you better, he still blatantly said somethng like that, and made you feel like a foreigner at one point. they always say, beauty fades. you will always be paranoid about how you look, and it will deeply impact your self esteem-something that is ridiculous over a guy .
I was in a similar situation. I was always a skinny girl and never ate much. Once i started dating my bf, I was so comfortable with him, and that he loved me, I thought that the love would stay, even if i satisfied my abandoned food cravings and stopped hitting the gym. He treated me the same as your bf did, eventually calling me ugly and fat. But for some crazy reason i stayed, and the weight was very very hard to take off. Instead of him seeing my trial and errors, all my tears, my lack of confidence, all he saw was my figure. over the months, his critique got harsher and harsher, til really he treated me like I had let him down, and I owed him. And I left him. trust me you dont want to get in that far.
I know he simply stated his opinion, but we all have heard of tact. He didnt use it, he risked the relationship. If you had not asked him what was going on, the lack of affection would have continued, til you both had seperated, and you would never know the reason. He never tried to fix the situation, he never suggested you play tennis together, or take long walks on the beach, he never offered to cook rather than order out, he never even joined a gym to try to get you to tag along with him. He clearly didn't try to help the situation, but he made a large hole between the two of you, and I think it's best you simply cut him out of the pictures. At the end of the day, you never want ot be with someone, who treats and judges based on looks, because you will never truly be comfortable with him or yourself.
I was in a similar situation.
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