Cyber affair leads to real-life problems?

Dear Mr Bitter Guy, I need dating advice ...
im 22 and my bf is 28 we had a cyber affair for a year without meeting he agreed to it 1st then after we met he liked the way i look and etc but after sumtime he said he hates me for not meeting him then we settled that then he asked me for sex i m from an asian country and we do not have sex till marriage so i said no but now he hates me for it i think he is having a mental problem what shall i do?

Are we Boyfriend/girlfriend yet?

Ok well ive been seeing this guy for 2 months and i really like him and he apparently really likes me but just this past saturday he went to a grade 11 party and got really drunk not to sure if he tryed to do anything with anoher girl but someone said that he tryed and i want to know what do i say to him like cause i want to know if he likes me as much as i like him? But i just dont know how to ask him plus i want to know if we are more than just seeing eachother like are we offically boyfriend girfriend yet? Please help me i need some advice im dieing here!!!

Started dating best friend -- but he's soo cold

Dear Mr Bitter Guy, I need dating advice ...

After and 8 year friendship my best friend and I crossed the line and started dating. He is a best thing that has ever happened to me. The problem is he has Huge Trust Issues and is a bitter and angry man.

During the holiday season - I was running short on time - so I called to tell him I was on my way up to see him. I got to his house - he didn't answer the phone. I called again. Instead of just knocking to see if he was okay I dropped off his present and left.

I was mad he didn't answer the phone and short on time.

When he asked me if I knocked I said yes - knowing I hadn't and he caught me in the lie.

For this - it has been 2 months and he doesn't want to talk to me or see me. He said he can't ever Trust me again.

I apologized both in written format and in person. I forced myself in to his home last week. He was nice but cold. When I left he said have a nice life and leave me alone

Is there any hope

Is my boyfriend into me?

Dear Bitter Guy,

I'm in a 7+ Month long distance relationship and I seem to have this nagging feeling that he's just not that into me which is further pointed out by my girls.

Scenario A:He said he was gonna be back in Feb but he never took the time to save for the flight and he tells me he wont be back and it made me feel slighted.

Scenario B:He, by some fluke timing has his grandma who's sick beckon all the children back so he's now back for a week but we only saw each other once and he spends the rest of his time with his friends. He's got 2 more days until he leaves the country.

Scenario 3:I text him and he never replies and we speak sporadically throughout the whole 7+ months.

Should I dump him and how? He's a lovely friend and I don't want to compromise any possible future platonic relationships with him. Although that may be wishful thinking.

Regards,

Slighted Female.

So hard for nice girls ...

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

I was wondering why it is so hard for nice girls to get over a break up with a bad guy.you know the type of bf who cheats, never says sorry for anything, constantly degrades her.

I know you will ask, well why is she with him then. and i think that to a certain extent, most girls want to try to see themin their best light, and hope they can help bring out their best. eventually, with a lot of wounds and low self esteem we realize, we need to be with them if we can accept them now.. not hope we will find them acceptable later. Please just give your best break up advice.

I just broke up with my bf of 3 years. it was a very abusive relationshp, not physically but mentally. he went to strip clubs, dating sites, constant emails from other girls and i just found out hes been cheating. the shit bag wont admit it regardless or apologize.

I dont know why its so hard for me, but it is. I miss him alot and am very upset , but i dont think its sadness over losing him, just more of what time i wasted.

So far, what works is, making a list of the bs you endured, and keeping it handy every time you are ready to call him up. also-he claims i deserve it all, because i gained weight when we started dating and havent lost it. i admit i am over weight, and no longer attractive. but i just feel that if you love someone or so he claims, you would look past that. there is never an excuse to treat someone poorly,

i was just wondering, if a girl is ugly or overweight, but with a great personality.. if she does have hope in a guy being in love and staying true to her. as my ex claims, its impossible.

i think its bs, but i have been so naive about so many things, i no longer want to bs myself


Mr Bitter Guy Says:

Ugly, fat girls get laid all the time. And they have lasting relationships too. In fact many men prefer a cuddly cutie.

Do a Google search for "I love fat women" you get nearly ten times the results than "I love skinny women" -- astounding proof that 9/10 guys prefer a porky partner.

While the world tries to convince us that girls with toast-racks for ribs are super sexy, men are actually trying to find buffet-busting beauties!

So being fat is not neccessarily the same as being ugly. Queen Latifah is sexy and she ain't no bean-pole. Paris Hilton on the other hand is skinny, but she is not sexy. No, not at all. Not even slightly. Which says a lot because I'm a guy and anything with breasts I should find sexy. Put a pair of breasts on a chair and I'll want to hump it, but not Paris Hilton.

Fat doesn't mean ugly -- and skinny doesn't mean beautiful. But it does look like blonde still means stupid.


The Answer Chick Says:

Breaking up is always a difficult thing -- especially if you thought there was potential there that was never reached. You're always left wondering whether you could have done something different to have changed things -- and if you'd have done that thing, then maybe that fairy-tale ending would come true.

It seems you have your head screwed on right, though -- and seen the relationship for what it was. When we start out in a new relationship we all have high hopes for where it might go. And as we're getting to know the other person we start to realise there's more to them than the stranger we met. Sometimes the 'more' is good, but sometimes the 'more' is bad.

The trick to relationships is to enter them with an open mind. To dream of weddings and retirement on the first date is to assume you know the other person -- and obviously, when put like that, it seems ridiculous. Those dreams are not based on the other person, they're based on your own hopes and desires. You may well dream of a long marriage and a fun happy retirement with the person who you're dating, but until you know them, these dreams are just based on your own desires for your own future and have nothing to do with the person sitting opposite. Once you recognise that, you'll be able to see that some relationships just aren't supposed to be.

In your case, you started the relationship knowing what you wanted. You had the dream but you thought it was this man who was the cause of it. Over time you began to realise that for the dream to come true, he would have to be a different man so rather than ending the relationship, you hoped he would become a different man.

The 'dream' is no more than a set of things you want in your life. When you meet someone, you need to remember that they may or may not help you achieve this dream. In a meaningful relationship, the person you're with wants similar things and you naturally end up helping each other to your goals. If you need to force someone to change, then they're probably not the one for you.

You say you feel upset by the amount of time you wasted. This is a natural and common reaction for women who've been in abusive relationships. You likely feel betrayed because the guy you fell in love with tricked you into thinking he was different. This probably makes you feel a little stupid also. You feel incapable because you weren't able to change him and make him see the error of his ways. You'll be frustrated because all the effort you put into making the relationship and putting up with his actions were for nothing. I'm sure there's more as well, but the good news here is you're out of it and you can move on.

So move on to someone you don't need to change, someone you don't have to 'put up' with. And someone who can accept you for who you are. Relationships are supposed to be fun -- and if they're not, then there's something wrong.

My boyfriend is a tool

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

It happened AGAIN. Obviously my mood swings or whatever the **** you describe them as have resulted in my boyfriend telling me to **** OFF and hang up the phone. He has a really short temper and it really pisses me off. Actually, I say pisses me off but it upsets me at first. I go through a chain of events starting with crying. While he sits at home and doesn’t give the slightest **** about what the **** I’m feeling.

It annoys me that he obviously doesn’t give that much of a **** to care about how he ****ing speaks to me. If I ever try to bring this subject up of how he talks to me, ill just get the old ‘have you finished whining yet’ or ‘grow up, they’re only words’ if they are ONLY words, don’t ****ing use them when you are speaking to me.

So evidently I call him back, and he again hangs up, I think I did it to about the third time before he said some **** like ‘if you ****ing ring back I swear’ and hung up. He doesn’t give a **** how I feel. I bet after he hangs up he should feel quite pleased with himself, or just don’t care at all. I mean he never called me all night, to try and make things better. I didn’t call him because he didn’t want me to. And why the hell should I if he ****ing talks to me like that.

I always do nice things for him; he stays at my house all the time. For example the other day I saw that the gel he buys has an offer on, so I bought him some. He would never do anything nice like this. He never ever complements me or makes me feel like he really wants me. I just want him to look and see what he’s doing to me. No ****ing wonder I moan about **** all, he treats his friends that are girls better than me. He would never tell anyone of them to **** off. I’m that pathetic that I’m sat here crying about a guy.

I love him with all my heart, he just hardly ever shows it and I just really want him to change so badly or else I don’t know what I’m going to do. My life is so messed up some times and he just makes it a lot harder for me. I just hate the way he speaks to me, why can’t he just be like a normal boyfriend. If I was a guy I would never be like that with a girl. But he doesn’t care that he hurts me, and If he sees me crying or thinks im upset he will just say to grow up and walk away.

But I always ponder to him and call him back cos’ I don’t want him to be mad and me, I don’t like anyone being mad at me. I just don’t know what the hell to do. It helps typing it all out to see what the problem is. It looks like he treats me like one of his guy friends that he can sleep with sometimes. He can be the nicest person ever, and that’s the person I fell in love with. But he has changed so much and I really can’t handle it without breaking out into tears.

You make think im a sad person to hope for him to change, but I don’t think it will happen because he wont listen. If he even came across one of my diaries he would probably laugh and say the problem lies with me. I moan a lot and used to be a jealous bitch. But I think it’s based down to the fact of not receiving the attention I crave from him. There is no point me hoping he will call. Because he won’t. I feel ugly and as if he wants something more, from someone more.

Please I hope to god that this doesn’t last much longer, because soon im going to run out of tears…What should I do?

Mr Bitter Guy Says:

This guy is a total tool. You fell in love with this false front he puts on to hide his toolness, and as you've got to know him better, his toolness has started to show more and more until you've ended up here. He hasn't changed -- you've just gotten to see more of him. And he's more tool than cool.

He isn't treating you like a friend at all -- not even like one his guy friends. He's being an ass. He's venting his anger and frustrations on you because he can, and because there are no long-lasting repercussions. Once he's vented his frustrations on you, he's over it; and doesn't want to deal with the short-term fallout (such as you being upset) because he's already blown his wad and that's all that matters to him. I bet he's the type of guy who doesn't care whether you orgasm when you have sex. He'll do it again and again because he knows you'll just run back to him.

Will he change? No. Not unless the root of his problems/insecurities are addressed. Those problems have nothing to do with you.

There's a version of a Tibetan tale about a frog crossing a river on the back of a tiger. It goes like this:

A frog was trying to cross a river but it had too strong a current and every time he tried to cross he got swept further downstream. After trying many times, he crawled back up onto the river bank and saw a tiger standing in front of him. The frog was scared but had nowhere to go other than toward the tiger.

"What are you doing?" growled the tiger to the frog.

The frog, cowering, said "I'm trying to cross the river, mighty Tiger"

The tiger said, "I'm going to cross the river to hunt on the far side. Why don't you jump on my back and I'll take you across"

"You'll just eat me" replied the frog, not trusting the tiger.

"No I wont -- there's not enough meat on you for me" purred the tiger

"But you're a tiger -- of course you'll eat me. It's in your nature to eat me."

The tiger replied "I promise I wont eat you. Besides, frogs don't taste good."

This went on for some time, but eventually the tiger managed to convince the frog that he'd come to no harm. The little green fellow jumped onto the back of the tiger and they both lept into the river.

The current was strong but not as strong as the tiger and soon they were half-way across the raging torrent. Suddenly the tiger flipped the frog high into the air and caught him in his mouth and started to eat him.

As he was being devoured, the frog screamed at the tiger "Why are you eating me? You promised you wouldn't"

The tiger replied "I can't help it. I am what I am. I'm a tiger and I eat things. It's my nature."

And that's where the story ends ... implying that some things can't be changed, but that's not true. In this version, the story continues:

And so the tiger reached the other side of the bank, licking his lips. The frog didn't taste so bad after all. But after a few minutes, the tiger started to feel dizzy and weak, and he soon collapsed.

A fox, that had been looking for food by the river, stumbled upon him and asked "Why, mighty Tiger, are you lying at the side of this river when you should be
hunting?"

"I ate a frog and now I don't feel too good" gasped the tiger.

"You ate a frog!" laughed the fox, "don't you know they're poisonous?"

The tiger never ate another frog again.

NB. This story is a metaphor. Posioning people is wrong. Do not poison people, even to prove a point.

Husband caught with pants down ...

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

I was going to work as usual but my car stalled about ten minutes away from my house. I couldn't get it restarted so I called my boss, told him I'd be late and walked home to call a mechanic. When I got home I found my husband and my neighbor making out on our couch. My neighbor is a 23 year old guy and my husband is 56.

We've been neighbours for 3 years and get on really well. He's such a nice young man, but I never suspected my husband was having an affair with him.

When I walked in on them, our neighbor looked shocked, as did my husband. He tried all the usual things like telling me it wasn't what it looked like, that he was just messing around, that it didn't mean anything.

I was shocked and upset. I didn't say a word. I just walked out and went to my best friend's house to calm down. When I returned home, my husband was in tears. He told me he'd been seeing our neighbor almost since he'd moved in and that they'd been sexually involved for almost two years. He told me he isn't gay, but later admitted that he's had 'feelings' for men since his late twenties.

He says he still loves me and that he is sexually attracted to me and I believe him. He says he'll end his affair with our neighbor and he really does seem upset. He says he's never had an affair before in our 20 years of marriage and that he wont do it again. But he cheated on me and it hurts. I know I can't give him what a man can give him but that doesn't make it right. I'm not sure I can trust him again and I feel insecure about myself, like I'm not enough for him and never have been. I feel like I've wasted 20 years of my life living a lie and I don't know what to do.

Mr Bitter Guy says ...

This is indeed a problem. Take a look at the idle control valve. You'll find it on the side of the throttle body which is connected to the air pipe from the air filter and the engine.

Unbolt that, take off the motor half and spray carb cleaner into the mechanical half. Once it's dried, put it all back together.

Oil and carbon deposits will likely have built up in the breather pipes so you'll want to clean them too.

Start your car and see if it runs without stalling. Hopefully this will do the trick. Nobody likes being late for work.

How to break up with your boyfriend

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

i've been going out with the same guy for 18 months and hes really dull. we dont do nothing any more and he lost his job and its just the same old same old all the time. we dont have sex often and when we do its quick and i rarely enjoy it.

i just met a guy at work thats really nice but i dont want to cheat on my boyfriend so i need to dump him so i can see this really nice guy at work

what should i do?

Mr Bitter Guy says:

Dumping your boyfriend is difficult even if there's a good reason. In your case you want to ditch him just because you're bored of him. This isn't a very nice thing to do, but there is a tried and trusted method to not only end the relationship, but also have HIM end it, saving you a whole bunch of trouble.

Simply, pretend you went on a date with some guy and 'accidentally' email your thank-you-for-a-good-time email to your current boyfriend. He'll think you're two-timing him and dump you.

To save time, I've included a prewritten email that you can simply copy and paste. It'll appear you went on a fairly innocent first-date to see a concert. But it should be enough to start a huge argument that'll result in the end of your relationship.

This technique works 99.9% of the time, unless your boyfriend's name is Simon.

Dear Simon,

I was very grateful that you asked me to the concert last night. I had a wonderful time and you were very, very attentive.

The backstage access was especially pleasing. I thoroughly enjoyed you trying to sneak in the back door. It was so illicit. Your attempts to gain entry were incredibly inventive. I know it was difficult getting in but once you'd slipped inside I couldn't help but come with you.

I was amazed that you got those guys to play with each other for us. And when you started to play with them I was beside myself. What you did with Jeff's organ
was mind-blowing. I thought you'd just use one or two fingers, but when you started using both hands I just couldn't sit still .

I'll never forget the look on Neil's face when you started blowing his trumpet after you'd finished with Jeff's organ. You may have spat too much as he had to wipe it off before he'd let me have a go.

What a wonderful night!

Your little backdoor accomplice

Make sure you stay out the night before you send it to add to the effect.

He makes me feel cheap during sex

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

During sex my new boyfriend wants me to tell him how much I want to sleep with other men. It turns him on when I describe in detail how i'd like to f*** them. He want's every detail. how i'd lick them and suck them. what position i'd be in. how many men i'd do at one time.

He's really nice in all other ways, but this is making me feel really cheap. What should I do?

Mr Bitter Guy says:

When you finish making love next tell him you want the $20 now and if he doesn't pay he'll have to deal with Papa Cubetastic da Ice Masta.

When he asks why, you say "Well if you don't pay me my pimp is gonna beat me again and then he's gonna coming looking for you".

He will get the point that you feel like a whore and this will start a conversation where you tell him you're uncomfortable with things and he tells you that he's sorry and won't do it again.

As a bonus he might also let you keep the 20 bucks.

My boyfriend keeps seeing strippers

Dear Mr Bitter Guy

Please can you help me?

I've been going out with my guy for 5 years, he went to amsterdam 1 year ago and saw a sex show and went to see strippers.

When he came back i told him i was really upset that he felt he need to go watch girls take their clothes off and have sex with each other when he has a girl at home.

i made his life hell in the following weeks and since our sex life has gone down hill.

im a size 12 and men fancy me and chat me up but Im insecure about myself. i dont think men think im ugly, Anyway my guy went to amsterdam again last week and went to see strippers and he come home and told me.

i was really mad and it makes me feel even more insecure about my body and as soon as something comes on the TV about strippers i feel bad

am i paranoid? i dont know wether to stay with him or leave him hes broke my trust and i dont know if it can be repaired. Im 28 years old , Is this just a man thing or should i be more grown up?

Mr Bitter Guy says ...

To most guys, girls are like fast cars. We want to ride them hard, park them up and then try another. Most fast cars are very expensive, so guys just dream about fast cars. Or watch them drive past on the highway. And most of us don't want a dozen of them because of the headache of up-keep. But it doesn't stop us looking or wishing.

The problem with fast cars is they generally don't have much luggage room, boot space or have lousy gas consumption. You need to fit your golf clubs in the trunk with little effort. This makes fast cars impractical for every day cars.

So as long as your boyfriend is only on the forecourt gazing longingly at the Aston Martins it's perfectly natural and OK. If he wasn't looking, then I'd be very worried. If he was stoking and carressing and licking them I'd be worried.

This really isn't about you. He tells you all about it, he's not ashamed and he's open about it which means you've got a special place in his garage. Tell him it upsets you, but try to see it from his point of view: Your the one he rides. Give him the chance to fill you up with gas, get some new spoilers. Go to the pump and get some high-octane love-fuel.

If you don't act, he may well think you're broken and trade you in for something new.

My Boyfriend says I'm Fat

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and I thought we got on real well but recently we've not been having sex. In fact he's not even kissed me in 2 months! I confronted him yesterday about it and he told me he doesn't find me attractive any more and told me I was fat. I'm not fat. I'm 153lbs and 5'4. But now he's saying he's going to leave me. What should I do?