So hard for nice girls ...

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

I was wondering why it is so hard for nice girls to get over a break up with a bad guy.you know the type of bf who cheats, never says sorry for anything, constantly degrades her.

I know you will ask, well why is she with him then. and i think that to a certain extent, most girls want to try to see themin their best light, and hope they can help bring out their best. eventually, with a lot of wounds and low self esteem we realize, we need to be with them if we can accept them now.. not hope we will find them acceptable later. Please just give your best break up advice.

I just broke up with my bf of 3 years. it was a very abusive relationshp, not physically but mentally. he went to strip clubs, dating sites, constant emails from other girls and i just found out hes been cheating. the shit bag wont admit it regardless or apologize.

I dont know why its so hard for me, but it is. I miss him alot and am very upset , but i dont think its sadness over losing him, just more of what time i wasted.

So far, what works is, making a list of the bs you endured, and keeping it handy every time you are ready to call him up. also-he claims i deserve it all, because i gained weight when we started dating and havent lost it. i admit i am over weight, and no longer attractive. but i just feel that if you love someone or so he claims, you would look past that. there is never an excuse to treat someone poorly,

i was just wondering, if a girl is ugly or overweight, but with a great personality.. if she does have hope in a guy being in love and staying true to her. as my ex claims, its impossible.

i think its bs, but i have been so naive about so many things, i no longer want to bs myself


Mr Bitter Guy Says:

Ugly, fat girls get laid all the time. And they have lasting relationships too. In fact many men prefer a cuddly cutie.

Do a Google search for "I love fat women" you get nearly ten times the results than "I love skinny women" -- astounding proof that 9/10 guys prefer a porky partner.

While the world tries to convince us that girls with toast-racks for ribs are super sexy, men are actually trying to find buffet-busting beauties!

So being fat is not neccessarily the same as being ugly. Queen Latifah is sexy and she ain't no bean-pole. Paris Hilton on the other hand is skinny, but she is not sexy. No, not at all. Not even slightly. Which says a lot because I'm a guy and anything with breasts I should find sexy. Put a pair of breasts on a chair and I'll want to hump it, but not Paris Hilton.

Fat doesn't mean ugly -- and skinny doesn't mean beautiful. But it does look like blonde still means stupid.


The Answer Chick Says:

Breaking up is always a difficult thing -- especially if you thought there was potential there that was never reached. You're always left wondering whether you could have done something different to have changed things -- and if you'd have done that thing, then maybe that fairy-tale ending would come true.

It seems you have your head screwed on right, though -- and seen the relationship for what it was. When we start out in a new relationship we all have high hopes for where it might go. And as we're getting to know the other person we start to realise there's more to them than the stranger we met. Sometimes the 'more' is good, but sometimes the 'more' is bad.

The trick to relationships is to enter them with an open mind. To dream of weddings and retirement on the first date is to assume you know the other person -- and obviously, when put like that, it seems ridiculous. Those dreams are not based on the other person, they're based on your own hopes and desires. You may well dream of a long marriage and a fun happy retirement with the person who you're dating, but until you know them, these dreams are just based on your own desires for your own future and have nothing to do with the person sitting opposite. Once you recognise that, you'll be able to see that some relationships just aren't supposed to be.

In your case, you started the relationship knowing what you wanted. You had the dream but you thought it was this man who was the cause of it. Over time you began to realise that for the dream to come true, he would have to be a different man so rather than ending the relationship, you hoped he would become a different man.

The 'dream' is no more than a set of things you want in your life. When you meet someone, you need to remember that they may or may not help you achieve this dream. In a meaningful relationship, the person you're with wants similar things and you naturally end up helping each other to your goals. If you need to force someone to change, then they're probably not the one for you.

You say you feel upset by the amount of time you wasted. This is a natural and common reaction for women who've been in abusive relationships. You likely feel betrayed because the guy you fell in love with tricked you into thinking he was different. This probably makes you feel a little stupid also. You feel incapable because you weren't able to change him and make him see the error of his ways. You'll be frustrated because all the effort you put into making the relationship and putting up with his actions were for nothing. I'm sure there's more as well, but the good news here is you're out of it and you can move on.

So move on to someone you don't need to change, someone you don't have to 'put up' with. And someone who can accept you for who you are. Relationships are supposed to be fun -- and if they're not, then there's something wrong.