What questions should I ask a guy on a first date?

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

i went to a NewYear party and i met a guy there and he asked me out on a date and i dont know him that well. what should i ask him to get to know him better. thnaks

Mr Bitter Guy Says,

There are two burning questions you'll want to ask him: "What kind of guy are you?" and "Are you any good in bed?"

Of course no man can reply to these questions honestly as we're programmed to give the answer that's most likely to result in us getting head.

To find out what kind of person he is, ask:
"Do you prefer Coke or Pepsi?"

In the US, the main differences between these two drinks are Pepsi has a slightly higher citrus content and is a little sweeter than Coke, which is also more carbonated. In blind studies, MRI scans suggest that Pepsi stimulates the taste centers of the brain more than Coke but when the subject knows which beverage they're consuming, Coke stimulates the 'fun' centers of the brain more than Pepsi.

Pepsi man doesn't seek out fun and excitement. He is logical and not swayed by other's opinions. Pepsi man is highly emotional and enjoys gentleness and sweetness. His favorite woman is his mom and he listens to Kenny Chesney thinking that he's not only "so now" but that he's also 'hard rock'. Pepsi man cries at movies.

Coke man seeks the thrill of stimulation. While he knows right from wrong, the ethical implications of an experience are unimportant to Coke man so long as the event is wild and fun. Coke man's favorite woman is the one he can't get into bed. He will listen to anything that suits his agenda except emo (unless the girl he can't get into bed likes emo) and will never go to a movie that may make him cry (unless the girl he can't get into bed wants him to go)

To find out if he's any good in bed, ask:
"Who is better? Indiana Jones or Lara Croft?"

These two seekers of lost artifacts couldn't be more similar. Both have cunning and guile, are smart-asses and have issues with their fathers. The biggest difference between these two characters is their acceptance of their own respective sexualities. Indy is a homophobe with repressed homosexual tendencies clearly shown by his fear of snakes and his constant use of the whip -- both phallic symbols, of which one he hates and one he loves. Lara on the other hand has large breasts.

Indy man is not sexually confident despite an outward machismo. He is unlikely to satisfy in bed unless he's thinking of Brian the Cashier from the 7-Eleven dressed in a pretty frock.

Lara man likes breasts.

Happy New Year! :)

I'm going on a blind date ...

... Any suggestions?

Thanks Mr Bitter Guy!!!







Mr Bitter Guy says ...

Aside from the usual (tell everyone where you're going, meet in a public place yada, yada) wear clean underwear, clean clothes and brush your teeth (if you have any).

If you're a guy, trim your 70's porn moustache.

If you're a girl, trim also your moustache.

Don't talk about why you miss your ex-gitlfriend/boyfriend, why your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend was such a tool or how miserable your life is now he/she left but you think you might be over it. You're there to get a new boyfriend/girlfriend. The last thing your prospective partner will want to hear is how great/miserable/boring your ex is. It's about you and the person you're meeting. Not anyone else.

Talk and listen and respond accordingly. Be happy -- smiling is the best thing anyone can do ever.

Relax -- it's not a job interview.

Don't get horrendously drunk -- you'll forget everything the other person said and end up vommiting in their beer/lap/bed/aquarium and that'll make the second date difficult.

One final tip, arrange to meet outside the cafe/bar/theatre you intend to have the date at. Wait down the street on the opposite side so you can see the entrance. When your date turns up you'll be able to see if he/she is a horny, little minx or a delicious, rippling stud-muffin. If they're butt-ugly you can walk away with no embarrassment. The mere fact that you stood them up on your first date will ensure they have nothing to do with you ever again. Unless they're a freak, which they might be if they're that ugly.

So my final, final tip is to use a friends cell phone so that you never have to give out your own number.

Good luck on your blind date and have fun!