Started dating best friend -- but he's soo cold

Dear Mr Bitter Guy, I need dating advice ...

After and 8 year friendship my best friend and I crossed the line and started dating. He is a best thing that has ever happened to me. The problem is he has Huge Trust Issues and is a bitter and angry man.

During the holiday season - I was running short on time - so I called to tell him I was on my way up to see him. I got to his house - he didn't answer the phone. I called again. Instead of just knocking to see if he was okay I dropped off his present and left.

I was mad he didn't answer the phone and short on time.

When he asked me if I knocked I said yes - knowing I hadn't and he caught me in the lie.

For this - it has been 2 months and he doesn't want to talk to me or see me. He said he can't ever Trust me again.

I apologized both in written format and in person. I forced myself in to his home last week. He was nice but cold. When I left he said have a nice life and leave me alone

Is there any hope

Comparative analysis shows that drinking beer raises your IQ

Dear Mr. Bitter Guy,

I have never done this before, I feel kind of stupid emailing a stranger with something that is so personal, but I am in need of some advice.

So I just tell you the problem yeah?

Well I was dating this guy for around 4 months, our relationship had always been challenging since he went to University in Preston which around about a 4 hour drive from where I live, but this only made are relationship stronger and made us realize that even though we were apart are feelings still remained the same.

In November he told me he loved me, I had never said these words to anyone else before so I took my time to say them back so when I did I really did mean them, so early December I told him that I really did love him, this made December a hard month to get through, but he came home and I got to see him again and everything was amazing, we were both swept off are feet seeing each other again and everything was pretty much perfect. We started talking about committing to each other and being in a real relationship but we still needed time.

So New Years eve he went to Bristol with his friends, I had nothing against this since I was out with my friends as well, but never the less I missed him and found that it was having a profound effect on my night, I kept thinking about him and it was really depressing me, so I decided to get so drunk I couldn’t think at all.

This was the first mistake, I got so drunk that when some guy started coming on to me, i had no mind or body strength to push them away, I ended up kissing him and then with everything i had left in me a ran into the girls toilets, i was so upset and heartbroken with what i had done i rang my guy and told him that i had kissed someone, the thing was he had just been bigging me up to all his friends saying how amazing i was and how much he loved me, so not only did i hurt him i embarrassed him in front of his best friends. I tried to tell him i was sorry but my phone battery ran out, when i got home in the morning i had one txt off him saying “i loved you”.

New Year’s Day i told him what had happened but it didn’t change the way he felt, i wrecked him and i could only blame myself and he could only blame me. I did everything i could to try and get him back, did the romantic thing of running all the way to see him waiting in the freezing cold for him but all i got back was a “I don’t trust you”.

So he went back to university and he sent me an email saying that he wanted to hate me but couldn’t he wants to be on his own right now and wants to just be friends for now with me. I found being his friend hard. I had so many feeling for him, speaking to him as a friend hurt.

So a week ago he sent me a txt saying he missed me, and that i was beautiful and he sent a video of two people making up, so this gave me the impression he wanted me back but in the week then he was totally blank with me and awkward. This hurt me so much, i feel like I’m hanging on to something which might have already let me go. So i told him how i felt and he said that he does still have feelings for me but the last memory he has of me was kissing someone and t blurred out all the good memories so he doesn’t want to make me wait for him he told me i should move on, and this is my problem, i can’t let go of him, i can’t move on, but i can’t be his friend and wait around either

What should I do?

Mr Bitter Guy Says:

Ah. The old "I got drunk routine". People use that excuse for so many things:" I got drunk and cheated", "I got drunk and said some stupid things", "I got drunk, burnt your house down, slept with your wife and drowned your cat. Ooops."

Really people, getting drunk is not an excuse. William Burroughs once said "drugs don't make you do anything that you wouldn't normally do, they just help you on the way", to paraphrase. And that's something coming from him. (If you don't know who Burroughs is he makes the music industry look like kindergarten as far as drug use is concerned. The man was a walking pin-cushion).

From a medical paper: Generally small amounts of alcohol produce lowered inhibitions, feelings of relaxation, more self confidence, diminished judgement, reduced attention span, and slight incoordination.

Nowhere does it mention drinking makes you stupid. It diminishes your judgement, yes, but 'diminishes' doesn't mean your moral or ethical decision making functions are completely left by the wayside.

In fact drinking makes you more intelligent.

Below are countries listed in order of their alcohol consuption

Highest alcohol consumption per capita
Alcohol Consumption Rank	Country	Average National IQ
1	Luxembourg	101
2	Hungary	99
3	Ireland	93
4	Czeck Republic	97
5	Germany	102
6	France	98
7	Portugal	95
8	Spain	99
9	Britain	100
10	Denmark	98
AVERAGE IQ		98
Lowest alcohol consumption per capita
Alcohol Consumption Rank	Country	Average National IQ
23	Sweden	101
24	Chile	93
25	Venezuela	88
26	South Africa	72
27	Thailand	91
28	Brazil	87
29	Colombia	88
30	China	100
31	Taiwan	104
32	Mexico	87
AVERAGE IQ		91

We can clearly see that the countries that consume more alcohol have a higher average IQ -- proof that drinking makes you clever.

You have no excuse!


The Answer Chick Says:

It seems you've learnt your lesson. It's just a shame you had to learn it the way you did. Your boyfriend is going through a lot at the moment and will be very confused. From his point of view he was betrayed by the most important person in his life. It'll take a while for him to understand why and to find a way to deal with it.

The pair of you seemed like you were on the right track to a good solid relationship. It appears that you both care for each other a lot and it would be a shame if this one moment of stupidity would spoil everything. Unfortunately, it may be the case that this one action may well be the end of everything.

If you seriously want to reconcile things with him, you have to understand that what you did was wrong and accept responsibility for your actions. That means you have to win back his trust -- and that will be a long and hard road to travel, but no longer or harder than what he's going through.

When he told you to 'move on' I'd guess that that's his insecurity speaking. It sounds like he wants to be with you, but he's not sure whether you want to be with him. And obviously he's going to find it difficult to trust you.

So this is a bit of a test for you. If you want things to work out, then you have to pass this test. If you want to be with him, then you'll have to prove it to him -- and that'll mean doing things to make him trust in you and to believe in you again. And that may mean doing things you don't want to do.

I'm not saying you have to wait forever, or do things that you are vehemently opposed to -- but reasonable requests from him should be responded to. He needs to know you are his friend, that you do love him and that you want to be with him. And that you're prepared to put out the effort tomake sure it happens. And that New Year was a horrid mistake that you'll never repeat.

You need to rebuild your relationship from the ground up. Take it slowly and understand it from his point of view.

It'll take time, but it can be resolved.

Quantifiable proof that Brits are cleverer than Americans

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

Hello

I am considering sending a myspace message to this guy I have liked for the past 6 months. The problem is he has a girlfriend now and it is pretty serious. I was not ready for a relationship and in a shy stage so I ignored his flirtatiousness. I would be happy with being distant friends at this point.

Thanks.

Mr Bitter Guy says:

So you're going to send a message to this guy saying what? "You got a girlfriend? You're not the loser I thought you were. I wanna ride your bony baloney pony," or "You're so sexy now you're unavailable ... let's go park the beef bus in Tuna Town '. ???

I wouldn't get your hopes up, although I'm sure he'd be up for a bit on the side -- so long as it's not too much effort and there's plenty of gratuitist sex. Maybe you could be 'the other woman' and he'd buy you a nice appartment in Manhatten where you could spend long weekends arguing about when he's going to 'ditch the bitch'.

There's also a chance he'd break up with his current girlfriend because you've got a cuter ass or whatever. But if he's that opportunistic, do you want to be with him?

So, the questions hidden in your rather ambiguous post are:
1) Do you want to be an ass?
2) Do you want to date a dude who would date an ass?
3) Do you want to date a dude who'd date an ass, whom is himself an ass?

That's a lot of asses -- much like on mySpace.

Search on mySpace: US dumb-asses = 945

Compared to UK dumb-arses = 2

Accounting for population differences, that would still only give us 10 forlock-tugging, tea-swilling British dullards.

That means Americans are 9,450% more likely to be a dumb-ass than a Brit!

Are you one of them?

Frustration led me to cheat on boyfriend

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

I was talking to this guy for about 4 1/2 months, dating you could call it. We both fell in love fast, faster than I expected. It was understood that even though we weren't in a "relationship," we knew what we could and couldn't do.

About 3 1/2 months into us "dating," I slept with someone else. The person I slept with was someone that I was just friends with, and that was it. Me and the person I was dating did not live in the same state. I am in college and he is back home.

I told him what I did the next day it happend, he ended up getting drunk and got into a car accident and was in the hospital for a week over what I did. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't under the influence of any drug. I did it because we had been having problems for a while, I couldn't get him to open up to me, he wouldn't take my feelings and how I felt into consideration. So I was frustrated and slept with someone else.

When I told, I told him because I was hurting and I couldn't believe that I did something like that. I felt bad and I knew I had made a mistake.

It has been about a week now, and the only thing that I am asking from him is that he give me a second chance to prove to him that I meant it when I told him I loved him.

I guess my question is to you is how do I get him to understand that what I did was a mistake and it won't ever happen again and what can I do to prove that to him?

Mr Bitter Guy says ...

Firstly, he didn't end up in hospital because of what you did. He ended up in hospital because he was drunk. He may have got drunk because he was frustrated or upset, but getting drunk wasn't his only option to relieve this frustration. He could have, for example, slept with a friend like you did. Conversely, you could have got drunk and played "Which is harder: my head or a car?". Neither solution here is very well thought out.

Your answers lie in the dictionary. Talking is not dating. If it were, I'd have dated literally dozens of people and on occasion even my TV and the fridge. You may also like to look up the word 'relationship' which in this context would describe an emotional connection. You have an emotional connection with a guy who's being a cold fish.

Reading between the lines: The guy you're talking with doesn't want to get emotionally involved. You want an emotional relationship and he's leading you on. This isn't floating your boat so you jump on a friend's pork limousine and take a ride to Vindication City. Once there, you use this sexual excursion to get an emotional rise out of your unemotional boyfriend. Unfortunately, boyfriend gets drunk and plays super-highway-chicken rather than deal directly with his botherations. Now you're back to square one -- only this time with more problems.

More problems = more frustration = more fish/pork/chicken

This meat-melange is not good and will only lead to further constipation -- which is a word meaning a build up of a lot of stinking s**t. According to recent poll results, vegetarians' poop barely smells and they are more likely to get degrees. Polls also tell us that the divorce rate is lower in educated people.

Ergo; No fish/pork/chicken = less stinky crap = lasting relationship.

But, while you may swear to never touch another man's ham again, will he still remain the cold fish that drove you to the porcine-pounding in the first place?

Leaky plumbing ruining my relationship

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

Hello. I am 47, divorced and male. I have a 67 year-old lady-friend whom I love very much. We have been seeing each other for almsot 9 years and we have enjoyed some great sex during that time.

However, she's recently had bladder and waterworks problems which haven't helped our love-life.

I'm starting to feel the need to meet a younger lady and have some more kids.

Would be better to stay with my ladyfriend or try to meet someone younger?


Mr Bitter Guy says ...

Dude, do your ladyfriend a favor and leave her. You don't deserve her: the first signs of trouble and you're bailing like a rat from a sinking ship. She deserves to be with someone who'll love and respect her for who she is -- irregardless of whether she's got waterwork problems or not.How'd you like it if someone wouldn't date you because you were bald?

That's shallower than any puddle a leaky pipe could cause.

I got drunk and cheated on my boyfriend

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

im going out with this boy for 3 mnths and i love him

but i got drunk and was all over this other boy so i got 2 boyfriends but i love the one ive been going out with for 3 months more

i feel real bad and dont no what to do



Mr Bitter Guy says ...

If I got a penny for every letter about "I got drunk and did something stupid" I'd have $6.37

First off, I gotta ask whether you're even old enough to drink? Seems like you're a young'un.

If you're not old enough to drink, you're not old enough to be in a serious relationship. After all that's how serious relationships start -- by drinking too much.

Ok. Enough tom-foolery. Easy answers here.I'm sure we've all let things get out of hand after a few beers. I could tell you a story about the time I ended up naked in a field with only a bottle of wine, an office stapler and a note duct-taped to my back which read "My name is Mandy -- be nice to me" -- but I'll leave that for another day.

Anyway, if you want to carry on seeing your first boyfriend, don't tell him what you did. Ditch the second boyfriend -- tell Dude no.2 you were drunk and shouldn't have been so naughty. And never ever, ever cheat again.

If you want to carry on seeing the second guy, you'll have to ditch Dude No.1 but don't tell the second guy anything. And don't ever, ever cheat again.

Now it might seem like I'm advocating lying but the fact of the matter is, if this is an honest mistake, then you'll serve no-one's interests by being open about it. What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't mind.

As punishment, you'll live with this guilt for the rest of your life, which is far better than you having to live with this guilt for the rest of your life AND ruining someone else's life in the process.

Don't do it again.

I had sex with my business partner's girlfriend

Dear Mr Bitter Guy

I run a small IT business with my friend. We've been working together for a few years and have known each other since we were in college. I'm 28 and not been in a relationship for some time -- he's 29 and been dating this girl for two years.

But he treats her like crap. The last straw was a few nights ago when me and him were in a bar and he pulled some chick. The two of them left early but he forgot his phone. I took it with me to give to him at work the next day.

His girlfriend's a really nice girl. I've known her for a couple of years and she's hoping to marry my friend. He's promised her that he's going to take her on holiday to Florida next summer. She told me that she thinks he's going to propose there and she's very excited.

But how can she even date this guy, let alone marry him?

When I got back to my apartment I tried calling his house to tell him I had his phone, but he wasn't there. I sat around for a while thinking about it all, then decided I'd get his girlfriend's number from his phone and tell her everything that was going on.

She told me to come around and I arrived and told her everything. She started crying. I held her in my arms and she looked up at me and I kissed her. She kissed me back. It felt wonderful. One thing led to aother and before either of us knew it, we were in bed having the best sex of our lives.

she thanked me for telling her afterwards and I left to go home.

The problem is that she told her boyfriend -- my friend and business partner -- what happened! They've split up, but I don't want to lose my business, or my friend. What should I do?