I want love ... but I'm overweight

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

Im a 21yr old African American overweight female. And I believe that my weight is the problem to everything. I can't find someone who will love me for me. I have a great personality which I've been told by many males but it never seems to go anywhere. I rarely dress very girly and im a home body. What should I do???

Mr Bitter Guy says ...

Your problem doesn't lie with your weight. Queen Latifah and Oprah get plenty of man-action and neither are svelte ballerinas.

A quick Google search proves that sex appeal is directly proportionate to weight:

• Search for "Fat sexy women" gives 439,000 high-calorie results
• Search for "Thin sexy women" returns an anorexic 346,000 results

The biggest fallacy of dating is 'opposite attracts'. We're not magnets. If we were, all the watches in the world would stop and sailors would get lost at sea. We attract people similar to ourselves. You are currently attracting men who, like yourself, don't go out. The chances of meeting someone by 'not going out' are poor.

• Search for "Going out and meeting someone" gives a crowd-pleasing 6,000 results
• Search for "NOT going out and meeting someone" gives 0 results!

If you want to appeal to that special man, you gotta be hot. Dress to impress!

• "Hot sexy clothing" results in 128,000 well-dressed, haute-couture occurrences
• "Hot frumpy clothing" gives ONE lonely, sweaty, t-shirt of a result

So simply by going out and dressing well you can dramatically improve the chances of meeting that someone special. If you need further proof, here's what Google has to say:

• Sexily dressed overweight woman goes out and meets someone = 17,000 score-laden, sheet-tearing results
• Frumpily dressed overweight woman doesn't go out and meets someone = 18 'hope the mailman comes today' results

So while it is possible to meet a guy by staying at home dressed in your old running pants and a torn, sweat-stained t-shirt, your chances are increased by a factor of nearly 1,000 if you go out and dress pretty.