How to get a girlfiend ...

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

I stumbled on your blog yesterday. Was wondering how I can get a girlfriend. I'm 16 and never had a date. All the girls at school think I'm a idiot. theres one girl who i like but she doesn't know i exist. Can you help me get a date?


Mr Bitter Guy says ...

This is a complex topic just like economics.

Economic rules are very simple:

1. Supply and demand
2. Brand recognition
3. Product quality

Supply and demand:

Everyone knows that there are 5 guys chasing every pretty woman. Go to any office, bar or library (or classroom) and I can guarantee that where there's an attractive young filly you'll find two jocks, a skater, a geek and the other guy that hangs out with the geek, all vying for her attention. Supply is high and demand is low -- this is not good for business. Only one of these guys will score with her, unless she's a slut in which case many or all will score. Either way you'll be waiting.

According to a recent poll 23% of girls consider themselves attractive.

If we accept these numbers, that means that 23% of the female US population are attracting 5 men each which accounts for 177 million men (20 million more men than really exist!).

That leaves 160 million ugly ducklings with nary a gander in sight. And even when we cull the top 20 and lower 20% due to age that still leaves us with a lot of American Moose.

Pick the ugliest chick you can find. That's a much better supply to demand ratio.

A similar poll reveals that less than 1% of girls considered themselves sluts. The awful truth is the real figure is much higher.

Brand recognition:

Companies spend a fortune on branding. Coca-Cola has used the same logo for well over 100 years and got Santa to wear their corporate colors. Take a leaf out of Santas book: wear the same clothes EVERY DAY. You're sure to get noticed.

Product quality:

Remember, ugly women are as desperate as you. Quality is for choosers not losers.

Finally, if none of this works do what big businesses do and throw cash at the problem. Filipino brides are still inexpensive (from as little as $1500 used) and many websites offer 'buy one, get one free'.