How do I stop my boyfriend watching porn?

Dear Mr Bitter Guy

Hi,

My boyfriend recently got broadband and now I think he's addicted to internet porn. He used to do it before, but not as bad as this. He's filled three hard-drives with the stuff AND gone through a 50 pack of DVDs in three weeks. He never stops. It all he does all day. its starting to upset me.

Is it natural for a man to watch porn so much? Ami being silly? Can I stop him?


Mr Bitter Guy says ...

If you consider an average HD is 80GB and 50 DVDs is about 200GB total ... that works out at an amazing 450GB of porn in three weeks! That's equivalent to 21 gigs per day!

Assuming it's high quality movie and sound, it works out that 1GB of data is equivalent to 1 hour's viewing. That's 21 hours of footage to watch per day. Does he have a job? Or shower? Or eat or sleep ... ? This man is a monster!

Or if he's saving it up to watch for when he's 'in the mood', based on a conservative 4-minute durational average for male monkey-spanking, he'll have enough for 6,750 pleasurable pickle-paddling, gherkin-jerkin moments.

Given that, on average, a man will choke the chicken 20 times per month this stash-o-sluts should provide for him an amazing 337.5 months of pony smacking. That's more than 28 years worth.

Or to put it another way that's 18 gallons (144 pints) of man-goo, needing 13,500 kleenex tissues (80 boxes) to wipe it all up. That's the equivalent of 1/8 of a tree's worth of wood (approx 74,000 cubic inches or 45 cubic feet). Your boyfriend is 'single-handedly' depriving the world of enough wood to make 15 rocking chairs!

As an interesting aside, in the lifetime of all the guys in America, based on your boyfriends habits, they would be jointly responsible for the felling of 37,500,000 trees due to their ejaculatory habits -- thats enough trees to forest 300 square miles, an area similar in size to New York City!

That's a lot of wood.

So I implore all the women in America to think about the environment.

Save a tree. Swallow.

As far as your boyfriend is concerned, try rubbing poison ivy on his keyboard. If he answers the bone-a-phone while one-handedly surfing, his flute solo will quickly turn into a dangley-dirge.