She wont suck my ****

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

Mt girfriend won't suck my ****. How can I get her to suck my ****? I want my **** sucked! Please God, make her suck my ****!

Mr Bitter Guy says:

Explain to her that seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and/or other minerals proven by scientists to prevent tooth decay.

If she has no teeth resort to bribery, lies, flatery and/or deception.