I got a vibrator for Christmas

Dear Mr Bitter Guy,

My boyfriuend bought me a vibrator for Christmas and i'm worried about using it incase i get hurt by it. can it do any harm?

Mr Bitter Guy says:

In regards to health, vibrators are safe -- except the ones that give you cancer. A good beginners tip is to tie one end to an immovable object, like a chair, to ensure the thing doesn't go astray.

Also , be aware that if you're in the State of Alabama your boyfriend has broken the law by purchasing this sex toy. Your acceptance of this gift could be interpreted as 'possession of an illegal substance' -- a criminal offence.

As an interesting aside, in the UK, 2 million vibrators are sold per year. And given that there are approximately 24 million women aged 18+ in the UK. and 111 million women aged 18+ in the US we can estimate that there are roughly 9.25 million vibrator sales in the US per year!

All those vibrators will need 18.5 million AA batteries to accompany their purchase.

That's enough batteries to completely power the average US home for TWELVE YEARS. (true!)

Now while I'd like to think that Alabama's legislators are trying to take the environmental high road with their law banning the sale of vibrators, the fact of the matter is that Alabaman men are ugly and need all the help they can get to get laid.